A Fable for all Ages, by Old Albert

At the beginning, when the sun and stars and moon were new and the earth was fresh, only two kinds of animals had been created: elephants and jackasses. Mankind had yet to be fashioned and would not exist for many millenia.

At first, both the elephants and the jackasses lived together on the planet most agreeably. The earth was bountiful then; plenty of everything for both kinds of animals. Together, they all decided to divide up the useable land among themselves and plant crops to insure that they would have food in the winter months. The single great river that ran through the land was used by each farm to grow abundant and lush crops.

The animals decided since there were so many farms and crop varieties to keep up with, they would ask for volunteers from among themselves to keep track of everything for the greater population, and to work the irrigation sluice gates in the river. And since these volunteers wouldn’t have the time to work the land themselves, the rest of the animals would give them a little food from each of their farms, so they wouldn’t go hungry. They called them the Keepers of Records.

But soon, animals being what they are, some of them became bored with the routine and grew restless. Disagreements began to appear, soon turning to arguments, and eventually to pushing and shoving. All of this became more frequent and more emotional as time passed.

It seems that the elephants wanted to give deeds of farm ownership to the animals and let each work to produce what his family needed. The jackasses, on the other hand, complained of having to work at all, and felt that the elephants, being stronger and smarter, should work harder to produce enough food for themselves and the jackasses too, and that the elephants should also send the jackasses’ portion to the Keepers of Records. This portion came to be called a “tax” and, if protested or questioned, was forcibly extracted with the threat of punishment by the Keepers.

The Keepers of Records, which had gradually come to be made up of jackasses because the elephants had preferred to work their farms, were naturally all in favor of having the elephants do all the work. The Keepers also decided they should be getting more food from each farm, since what they were doing was for the good of everyone.

At this time, a new animal, the jackal, was created. The jackal looked over the world and saw that there existed a land where animals could live a lazy lifestyle with no work and plenty to eat. Naturally, the jackals came to this land in great numbers—the land of elephants and jackasses and free food. On arriving, the jackals demanded and received the same conditions from the Keepers that the jackasses had. Now the work of the elephants made it possible for the jackasses, jackals, and the Keepers to live a brazenly non-productive lifestyle at the expense of honest, hard-working animals.

When the elephants objected, pointing out the inherent unfairness in such an arrangement, the Keepers threatened to shut off their irrigation water if they did not comply. So the poor elephants found themselves working twice as hard and giving more and more to the Keepers, jackasses, and jackals. Making possible a lifestyle for the latter two that consisted of stealing from elephants as well as themselves, whining about how little food they had, taking all the Keepers handed out and demanding more—and all the while consuming more and more of the intoxicating, debilitating leaves of a certain poisonous plant that grew in the swamps.

Soon, the elephants were giving away most all of the fruits of their labors, while the decadent jackasses and jackals were living more and more extravagantly and the Keepers (who no longer bothered even to pretend to do the job they had promised to do) were doing the same; wasting their enormous food supplies—trading much of it for the poisonous plant leaves.

And still the jackasses and jackals demanded more from the elephants, and the Keepers blustered and threatened them with all manner of doom.

As one might guess, eventually the elephants found themselves working harder for nothing at all. There was nothing left for them after all the payments had been taken out. Then there was nothing even for the tax payments. The jackasses and jackals lived for a short time on what they had taken from the elephants and stored, but that was soon gone—much of it ruined from improper storage. So they chewed the poisonous leaves and escaped the reality of their situation. The poor elephants became hungry and weak. The Keepers, in fits of exasperation and blind rage, shut off the irrigation water. Crops were no longer planted and maintained and harvested. The elephants began to die of starvation while the jackasses and jackals screamed for food and the Keepers threatened uselessly.

Before long, ALL the animals were dead. The bones baked in a fierce summer sun.

But soon the rains came and the great river surged and swept away the irrigation gates. The fields that had last been planted were inundated with water. Dormant crop seeds burst into life.

At just about that time, turtles and groundhogs appeared on the earth. They found fertile fields, already plowed and planted and now rich with crops ready to be harvested. They decided they would divide the land up into farms, and appoint a committee to make and keep records. Then, each animal would give the committee members a tiny bit of the bounty from their farms, so that they…